tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88496001990371132532024-03-14T01:12:01.580-07:00NB MommaAn NB Mom with lots on her plate - two autistic children under the age of 6, work, love and the battle that is life...Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-33414912617316024502022-04-30T10:16:00.002-07:002022-04-30T10:16:23.031-07:00The Return<p>It has been almost 8 years since my last post. That's a long time. This may be a one off, or it may not. Let's just feel it out and see how it goes. </p><p>When we last connected, my kids were 9 and 7. They're now 17 and 14. Yeah. That gap was a super big transition. Since then, I've been married and separated, got a job and got laid off from that job, sold a house and bought a new one, left a city that wasn't comfortable and moved to a city where I feel more at home, and my kids have started the inevitable puberty. I felt like I was getting the hang of things and then the rules completely changed. </p><p>There's lots of good things and lots of struggles. That's just how life is. </p><p>Do people even blog anymore? I guess I'll just stick this out there in the event that people still read. </p><p>I still stand by my old statement of "Parenting is like video games". When you level up, it gets more difficult. Let's see if I can organize the confusion of my thoughts into something worth reading. Wish me luck!</p>Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-75394132507834041122014-08-27T17:37:00.002-07:002014-08-27T17:37:53.454-07:00Shocked with ShoppingTonight was pretty monumental.<br />
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It is Maggie's birthday, and she had a pretty awesome day. We let Maggie choose a few things to do and visited my brother who showered her with cute things she'd enjoy (and really did), but the really awesome thing (for me) was later in the evening, after my brother filled the girls with pixie stix and sent us on our way.<br />
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Maggie, in her sugar high wisdom, decided that NOW was the time to get her ears pierced. She was so convinced, that she actually begged me and so, since it was her birthday, I gave in and steered the car towards the mall.<br />
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Unfortunately, they only had one person on, and require two to perform a piercing to someone "so young", so we trotted back through the mall with a slightly disappointed Maggie. Until we saw a big "SALE" sign and children mannequins. Maggie begged once again to go into the store and see what they had. And so we did.<br />
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Best. Experience. Ever.<br />
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Not only did they both gush and preen over the clothing to find the "just right" thing that they were looking for (Winnie to a muted degree, but she still did it all the same) - they both demanded to go to the dressing rooms to try on their potential purchases. In the dressing rooms, I was actually shoo-ed... Shoo-ed while they independently changed and assessed if they liked the look of something or not. Not only was I shoo-ed but there was much preening and posing behind the curtain (I peeked, and was then shoo-ed again!). They each got to pick out one thing (because really, Winnie picking out clothing and posing in front of the mirror was worth it) and while we were waiting to pay for the dresses (Yes, they BOTH got dresses), they danced to the beat in the shop, keeping themselves occupied and entertaining others.<br />
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There was no crying, no running, no screaming, no freak outs and no disappointed upsets that generally come with leaving some place. It felt so... natural. It felt amazing.<br />
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I am so very proud today. My girls are growing up, and sometimes that's okay with me.Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-2189281673839466882014-08-01T17:53:00.002-07:002014-08-01T17:53:47.121-07:00You shop, I shop.An amazing moment was had today. We went to Walmart (I know, OH LORD WHAT WAS I THINKING?!) and I let the girls look at some things they wanted to look at while we rounded the store to pick up the things I'd come in for. Winnie got to go to the toy department and Maggie got to go to the girls' clothing section - when we were ALMOST ready to leave, I spied a few things in the ladies clothing section that I thought were adorable. Its quite rare when I buy myself something new, but every now and again I see something I really like. <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><br />
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As I slid into the isle next to the item I wanted to look at, the girls started fighting with each other... and it was one of those fights (Parents, you know them) that was gearing up to be a full scale in-the-store battleground. Normally at this time I would quickly do my best to contain the sounds of eminent war and shuffle us out of the store, but something (probably my unwillingness to be defeated, which sometimes looks like "I'm so tired, what the heck!") SOMETHING in me today made me stop and take a completely different tack.<br />
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Very surprisingly, I found myself asking them to come over so I could talk to them, and equally surprisingly, they did. I quietly explained to them that I let them do the things they wanted to do while we were at Walmart (touching on each thing that we did, so they knew they got an equal share) and that "Wouldn't it be fair to let Momma look at something she wants to look at in relative peace?"<br />
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The reaction I got was... completely shocking. There was silence. For about 15 seconds. And then smiles. Yup, smiles. Then, not only did they let me look at shirts, they came with me, gave "helpful" fashion advice, helped me pick out a shirt, <b>insisted </b>I go and try it on and see it on me, which they then each pronounced how amazingly lovely it looked on me and that I should definitely treat myself to a new shirt.<br />
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The rest of the trip went very well and the girls were amazingly well behaved and once again I am amazed at my children. If anyone says that children with Autism don't have feelings like empathy, compassion and a desire to improve the feelings of others - Well, they can just come spend an afternoon with us :) Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-6847269861597483012013-12-04T09:27:00.001-08:002013-12-04T09:27:22.349-08:00The Magical PlayAs a special needs parent, sometimes you get to participate in things that other parents might not get the opportunity to attend. Its one of the perks of the job, so to speak. Today was one of those days, and it. was. AWESOME. <div>
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At first, I was quite anxious about the whole affair. The notice came home from school about a week ago announcing that the entire school was going on a field trip to the high school to watch the musical that high school kids had prepared for the community. </div>
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Field trips always make me nervous. Sometimes, though rarely, they turn out okay. But sometimes I end up rushing off to pick up a screaming child who'd just had enough of the whole affair and now was adrift in their overwhelmed and solitary life raft that everyone who's ever heard anything about autism has seen or heard about. When the child can't handle and shuts everyone and everything out. That. That's not what I wanted for the girls today. </div>
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Last night, I got a call from the school asking if I'd attend the play with the girls to ensure their success. Hesitant, I agreed. </div>
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Why was I hesitant? Well, we call the girls "our Yin and Yang" for a reason. That reason is, what tends to help one cope, causes distress in the other. Its a fine line when you have to do one thing to help them both. Maggie generally benefits from my presence at school functions. Winnie gets instantly distressed when she sees me outside the bounds of her "normal". In Winnie's normal, I only go to school to pick her up. If I leave without her, I am gone. Where did I go? What I am doing? Will I be home later? Will I come back for her? Will I be there for her? This is a short list of possible things that she may be thinking (I really don't know for sure) - but I do know that the uncertainty in what follows my visit to a school outside of her normal, is too much uncertainty for her to bare. In the past, every time I've visited school I've had to take her with me when I leave. The ONLY time she lets me leave without her is the Christmas concert for school. </div>
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After a long talk with Winnie, she let me know that she was not okay with me going to school, but she would try her best to not see me there. Her opinion was, if she didn't see me, I wasn't there - and if she didn't see me, it would be okay. </div>
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That was a pretty excellent plan. We went with that. </div>
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So at the high school, I waited, and Winnie's class walked by - no one noticed me, so it was still a pretty decent plan. Maggie's class came in and I stepped up to Maggie and we walked together to where her class was gathering. Maggie sat down, and I looked up - straight into the eyes of Winnie, who was sitting about 5 rows next to us, but facing us on the floor. It was unavoidable. </div>
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And then it started... her face got red and she teared up and started to shake. I got up and walked quietly over to speak to her "teacher helper". Together, we helped Winnie work through her anxiety at having seen me - reassuring her that there were fun things at school and that I'd be home to play with her after school. It seemed like forever for her to calm down, but she did amazing. She even asked her teacher if she could sit with Maggie and I. </div>
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It was nice to watch the girls faces as they discovered a live play - the actors, the singing and dancing, the costumes and the energy of the auditorium kept their eyes wide and on the edge of their seats! </div>
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And then it was over, and they'd sat through the whole thing! Then I got kisses as they went back with their teachers, and Winnie's teacher helper tried to help her stay calm even though I was leaving - quietly reminding her of all we'd talked about before show. </div>
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As the girls separated back to their lines to get on the bus, I shuffled out of the school as fast as I could - ripping the metaphorical band-aid off and didn't look back. Partly because I wanted them to adjust as fast as they could to the fact that I wasn't there - and partly because I didn't want to see Winnie's face - red and stressed and tear-filled. She can do it - and if she can't - they'll call. That was my mantra as I walked the long walk to the car, and the long drive to the highway. She can do it. They'll call. </div>
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My amazing girls, who overcome every day, went to a play, and went back to school - like superstars!</div>
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<i>Also, the play is "The Wizard of Oz" performed by OHS this week - its a great play if you have an evening free! The OHS students do a fantastic job and all of the kids enjoyed themselves - even mine!</i></div>
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Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-90265642822880003512013-11-20T15:23:00.001-08:002013-11-20T15:23:19.953-08:00A light through the stress.. Today was a shockingly good day... aside from the fact that I skipped class. It was a bad thing, its true, but it was good for my sanity. You see, I'm still going through things that my mom left... and by things I mean everything... I'm moving furniture, washing clothes, boxing things, donating things, crying, discovering and repacking everything that my mom owned.<br />
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My mom died on the 8th of November... She was my rock and she babied me completely. So much so that I actually moved back in with her so I could help her do things like open unruly pickle bottles and she could help me raise my two autistic children.<br />
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While we're still sorting through the reams and reams of paperwork, and piles and piles of things that were hers, I find I'm unable to focus on schoolwork - which is unfortunate considering I was trying to take Probability and Statistics for Engineers and Computer Scientists... Its sort of important to attend the lectures, and now I'm mostly lost.<br />
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But I feel lost in more than that. I'm lost in just about everything and the only way I can shake off the horrible feeling is to keep busy... and so I clean, or poke at my family tree and history books. I generally like video games, but I haven't been on them hardly at all since she passed. There seems to be just too much other stuff to do.<br />
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Back on the original subject of today - the girls did great! I let Maggie pick out some new recipes to try and we went down to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients that we didn't have. They picked out a few extra things as well (Some pop, a bit of candy, some fruit etc..) and they did amazing the entire time. They only got tired and wandered the tiniest little bit, but never too far. After we got all the groceries piled into the car, I took them to KFC for at reat, and they even helped me take the groceries in when we got home.<br />
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I'm shocked and pleased. My heart is full and I'm heartsore too... I wish my mom was here to see them do so well.<br />
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But for now, I'll take it minute by minute and relish in the fantastic moments or hours like we had today, thanking the Lord and the angel that is my mother for helping us through our lives.Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-56167124815074247752013-08-31T17:09:00.002-07:002013-08-31T17:09:24.374-07:00The Waiting RoomYesterday was kind of miraculous.<br />
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The past few days we've been insanely busy getting ready for school. And with Mommy going back to school this fall as well - things have been more insane than usual. Yesterday was a day when I had to get a lot of things done for Maggie to head back to school. One of the things was getting her hair cut (which was amazing and she was wonderful during). The other incredibly important thing was to have her prescription filled for her Biphenten. It helps her remain calm, keep focus and slows down her impulse reactions so that she can think them through slightly before making a choice.<br />
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I picked up the bottle to call in the refill and groaned. There were no refills. Thinking back as to how this could have happened, I groaned again. I got a call a few weeks ago from the pediatrician’s office saying that our before school checkup was postponed because the doctor was taking a vacation. That was fine except that we all forgot about the refill.<br />
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In a slight panic, I called the doctor’s office - no one was there. I called my family doctor - also on vacation. I called the pharmacy to see if there was anything that could be done and their response notched my panic that much higher - “Go to the emergency room and ask them to write a prescription for you”.<br />
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If anyone has been to a Canadian emergency room in the last little while, they can relate to the possible hours you may have to wait to be seen, the crowded waiting room, the many noises and the dreaded order of admission - you get seen based on your immediate need. Someone with a more serious issue gets in before you do. I was thinking that a prescription was the bottom of the rung. At this point though, I was out of options. So, I packed up my mom purse with books, tablet and things for drawing pictures before taking Maggie and heading to the emergency room. I assumed they’d want to at least see who the prescription was for, since the ER can’t generally dole out things without having a record of seeing the patient.<br />
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We went in and explained the situation and the girl at the desk patiently took all of our information. When I laughed that we were having a heck of a day, she smiled and said she was too, but seemed in a lighter mood. She assured me that I’d done the right thing by coming in and was really kind to Maggie when she gave her the admittance bracelet.<br />
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Maggie continued to be amazing as we sat and waited our turn. We read a book and watched a bit of the TV with Maggie quietly asking questions and wiggling in her seat. Before long, they called Maggie’s name and we were off to see the nurse. It was so nice to round the corner and see another friendly face. She sat Maggie down, looked at her chart and started to take Maggie’s vitals as required - answering all of Maggie’s curious questions along the way “What is that for? Why doesn't she have a thing to hear hearts around her neck?” and even sat still when she was getting her temperature taken in her ear! I was completely amazed and so very proud. I was still on edge though because we weren't on the home stretch yet… still more waiting to do!<br />
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But this is the part that blew my mind… and the reason I was so impressed as to take the time to write this… The nurse looked at Maggie a moment and then quietly asked me “Is she Autistic?”. I raised my brows in surprise and admitted that she was. It was surprising, because I’ve never had anyone ask me before. When I answered, she nodded and smiled and quietly rocked my world “Well, we won’t send her back to the waiting room. You can wait in this quiet room here.” She put us in a small blue examination room by ourselves to wait for the doctor. It was pretty much rocked my entire world and I am still smiling. That little kindness went a long way. A looong way. The “waiting” in “Waiting room” for everyone else means “Waiting for the Doctor to see you.” but for us it means “Waiting for the inevitable meltdown.”.<br />
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Inside the blue room, Maggie was distracted by the new surroundings. She had lots to look at it, and when she was done looking, we drew pictures. By the time the doctor came in to hand me a prescription with a jovial “Betcha need this for the start of school eh? I've been in the same boat before - have a good weekend!”, Maggie was still pleasantly occupied and still quite happy.<br />
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The thoughtfulness of the ER nurse may seem like a small boon, but it had a huge impact on our day. It could have gone downhill so fast, but her seemingly small concession saved our outing - and my sanity!Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-62989756976563480842013-02-13T18:17:00.001-08:002013-02-13T18:17:10.179-08:00One long day... <br />
Today was hard... it was the hardest day in a long time. I have visible battle wounds that I haven't seen the likes of since before Winnie was diagnosed. And it all went down at school, during the busy and visible lunch hour.<br />
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It started out not badly - Maggie did fantastic at skating. She listened so well and was simply amazing, handling everything so well. But shortly after she went back to school, she quickly ran out of steam. Her ability to cope with something bothering her, or something she wanted, fell apart.<br />
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Just after I returned home, the phone rang. Expecting to hear the voice of Maggie's teacher or the school secretary, I was surprised to hear the familiar voice of the principal instead. Very quietly, but hurriedly, she relayed the condensed version of events, and could I come and get Maggie immediately.<br />
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After I got Maggie home and calm, I could piece out the full story of what happened, but the condensed version was – Maggie punched a girl in the face, lost her lunch time outdoor play, freaked out and was currently throwing pint-sized chairs around her kindergarten room.<br />
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When I arrived at school 15 minutes later, Maggie had calmed slightly. That gain was totally lost when she saw me and realized she was going home. 4 adults, a bloody face and hand later, I drove a screaming, crying, kicking 5 year old home from school. The heartbreaking part? <b><i>She was screaming <u>to go back to school</u></i></b> the entire ride home. All she wanted in that moment was for me to turn the car around and take her back to school, and promised me the world to make it happen. And I wanted to. Of course, I couldn't. But I wanted to.<br />
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After getting Maggie wrestled into the seat and buckled, I spoke with the resources teacher about the situation, passing it back and forth between ourselves the possible reasoning for the outburst. So far as we can tell, Maggie is under the weather, possibly from allergies that we have her scheduled to be tested for. Unfortunately, she's not even scheduled to go to the pediatrician who orders the allergy testing, until the 25th. I asked the resource teacher if Maggie should be pulled from school until then, and she scoffed at the idea. By the way her behaviors are escalating, the 25th just seems too far away.<br />
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On the way home, I managed to pry some sob-filled and broken answers from Maggie to fill in the pieces of what happened this afternoon.<br />
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The children were lined up for something, and a little girl in Maggie's class was in line next to her. The girl got a little rambunctious and bumped into Maggie a few times in line. Maggie couldn't take this bumping and, after tapping her a few times to no avail, she punched the girl directly in the face causing her to need an ice pack As a consequence for punching the girl, Maggie lost her outside time at lunch. Aaand the meltdown ensued. In her mind, the girl should have been reprimanded and not her. However, she seemed somewhat contrite when I reminded her that she forgot the “Tell the teacher” step in her logical process, and that she's not allowed to lay hands on another person.<br />
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Tonight, I'm not breathing easy. My hope for tomorrow is that when I call the pediatrician I can get Maggie in sooner, and that Maggie has love<b><i> and calm</i></b> for her classmates on Valentine's day. We may have lost this battle, but the war still rages.<br />
Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-81659178040967584942013-01-24T04:31:00.004-08:002013-01-24T04:31:54.957-08:00The lunch dilemma. <br />
Winnie is the "Star of the week" at school this week - which means that she gets to do something special every day. Today is "The special lunch" - she gets to have a special lunch (brought in by a parent) with a special person or parent. Originally, she wanted to have lunch with me, and I said okay. Today though, she remembered something...<br />
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Every time I go to school with her, she wants to come home with me. Even though she knows she can't, its like a compulsion that she can't control, and it upsets her so much she starts to cry.<br />
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Its why, when there is something special that parents usually go to (aside from Christmas concert, because she doesn't get to interact with me, just wave as the class goes by), I don't attend. Skating? No. Field trips? No. Swimming at the pool? No. I *want* to be there, but we've discovered that its just better for her if I don't go.<br />
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So today, her face went white as she remembered the likelihood of an uncontrollable meltdown. Her solution, because she still wanted McDonald's, was for me just to give in and take her home. My solution did not involve that. Instead I'm sending her two Happy Meals, dropping them off at the office and she can pick a special classmate to have lunch with instead. When I asked her if she liked that plan, she calmly and quietly agreed. Then looked me in the eyes and said "But Momma, I still love you, okay?"<br />
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And that, ladies and gentlemen, was huge. And that's enough for me.<br />
Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-20189565343674248122012-11-05T16:05:00.001-08:002012-11-05T16:05:30.725-08:00Daisies in the Walkway<br />
Today was a rough day for both girls - its the day after Daylight Savings. Where the rest of the world is an hour earlier than their little bodies are. Maggie's internal clock went off today right on time, and she roused me awake an hour earlier than she needed to be. Confused and getting angry with me, I finally conceded and got up to feed her breakfast an hour earlier than normal, taking everything as slow as possible so as to not upset her morning routine more than necessary.<br />
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Winnie tried her best to stay in bed, but just couldn't, and followed us out to the kitchen shortly after.<br />
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The rest of getting ready went much the same, slow paced, but something a little "off" and I knew they'd be fighting the whole day to keep it together, and by the end of the day they'd have had it - their bodies having given up an hour earlier than school let out.<br />
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At 2:30, when the bus backed into my driveway and the doors squeaked open, the driver's face told all as she turned to me to impart that they'd both had a rough ride. She wasn't sure what was wrong, but they had a hard time getting either child to get on the bus at all.<br />
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Both girls quickly bounded off the bus, although their movements let me know they were certainly exhausted. Winnie flopped on the grass and waited for me to clear the bus steps, then lept at me, clinging to me and growling like a little beast - I hugged her tight and held her too me as Maggie loudly began her neverending speech about anything and everything - a trait she has to try to keep under control all day at school. I looked down at Maggie and nodded as she spoke, then whispered to Winnie, asking her what animal she might be pretending to be. Normally when she was upset or had an angry emotion, an animal is what she turns herself into - prowling and growling with gnashing teeth and extended claws. Usually asking her about the animal she's portraying calms her and gives her something else to think about - Not this time. She ignored me a few times, and then growled out that she wasn't an animal, she was just a Winnie, and an angry Winnie.<br />
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My heart sank. I wouldn't be able to help today like I usually do. I wouldn't be able to snap her out of this as before. It was a rough day, and it wasn't over yet.<br />
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After some prodding, Maggie let me know that she was just tired and cranky, and Winnie had a new "teacher helper" that didn't do what she'd expected. And anything that doesn't go as expected, is pretty catastrophic in her day. She can tolerate someone new usually, she's learning to cope with that - but working all day and not getting the expected result, she pretty much flew off the handle.<br />
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Winnie's greatest desire at this moment was to go to the Dollarstore - and Maggie just needed to be alone.<br />
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We went to the Dollarstore, while Maggie stayed home with Grandma to try to calm down. Winnie and I also ended up getting some chicken nugget supper at A&W (a big step from the days when it was only McDonald's that was acceptable.). As she sat there reciting an entire episode from a Netflix documentary about reptiles, I was reminded of when this was all she said. Doing this, repeating, reciting, being lost, was all she did.<br />
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My heart ached and I wanted to cry. I sat in this public place, looking at my child with love and affection, nodding as she spoke as though I was listening, and all the while, my heart was breaking. We've come so far, and yet, days like this can set it all back. Days like this make me realize that although she can hide it, she will always be autistic. She will never be cured, she will only learn to cope. Just like everyone, she will have hard days where her defenses and guards and coping skills will be lost to her, and she'll be lost to us. <br />
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Maggie is the same, in her own way - her defiances are her own way to keep order in her world. When she's struggling hardest, is when she is most defiant.<br />
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Some days we glide through, always conscious of the hurtles and the issues - but some days are like a shower in ice water and I struggle just to breathe. And then we get through it, and they smile at me again, the far away look gone from their eyes. A moment of clarity that makes all the difference and almost erases the bad day. Some days Autism is like the meter maid that's fining you for getting back to your car late. You're mildly annoyed. Some days, Autism is like the Repo Man who puts the lock on your house - you're overwhelmed and devastated And some days, Autism is just that funny quirk that your child has that makes you smile - the screen that their personality shines through like a happy daisy creeping through the stones in an elaborate walkway.<br />
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Somedays. Someday. Today. I'm glad its over.<br />
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<i>Winnie and Maggie ended the day splendidly and seem no worse for the wear, just tired. It was a hard one, but something we've overcome before, and will do again. I'm happy that days like today are fewer and farther between than in the past. :) </i><br />
Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-56117737215205574672012-09-06T04:59:00.002-07:002012-09-06T04:59:34.156-07:00Maggie Starts Kindergarten!<br />
Its been a good while since I've posted anything other than various kid quotes or quick situations on my facebook page. If you've been reading those, I'm glad you've enjoyed them. My lack of posts certainly hasn't been due to lack of things to say, but rather, the time to say them properly. This last little while has been hard. Lots of changes throwing the girls for loops and my exhaustion level so high that I really didn't feel like writing.<br />
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But today, is the start of something new. Today is Maggie's first day of public school. My little kindergartener shuffled off with excited hops, bobs and random squeals to her first day of being "a big girl". Months of prep, for her to be ready to go, and for the school to be ready to recieve and accomodate her needs, are put to the ultimate test today.<br />
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The school has had two years to get used to Winnie's nuances, and they were excited at the prospect of Maggie joining the ranks. Putting them on their guard was an interesting task - because with Maggie and Winnie, the old saying familiar to those in the autism field comes into play... "if you've met one child with autism, you've met ONE child with autism." - because Maggie is completely the opposite. Everything they used to deal with and help Winnie in her learning, will in no way be applicable to how they help Maggie learn and adapt to the school environment. Although they've been cautioned, warned and educated on this - today, they'll see it first hand.<br />
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I remember when the girls were babies and imagining what it would be like when they went to school. I remember dreaming that I wave as they got on the bus and sat down, then slumped back to bed with a smile to catch some extra hours of much needed sleep. I could never have imagined that I'd have to hold hand so tightly so that my kids wouldn't bolt in excitement as the bus arrived, or hop on the bus to buckle my rambuncious 5 year old, unable to sit still on her own, into a 5 point harness in the front seat, or that I'd sit here, on pins and needles waiting for the phone to ring, praying that everything goes well and they come home safely.<br />
<br />
As Maggie smiled up at me, and Winnie did her best to coddle her little sister on her new adventure, and show her all the things that she enjoyed about the bus, I burst with pride. Look at them go! They're so amazing! They've come so far!<br />
<br />
I drove to the school after setting them on the bus, just to reassure myself that everything went smoothly and the school was prepared. Its days like this, the big days that are big for everyone, that I tend to be more glad that my kids are special. Not that all kids aren't special, but my kids have "the label" that no one wants to give. I like that people understand that my kids may not "get" what's going on - they may need things explicitly explained, they need an extra eye to make sure they don't wander and they just need... more. Because they need more, I need more. I like knowing all the people involved in their day. I like that they know me. I like when they explain things, and I love when they ask questions.<br />
<br />
And, oddly enough, I like that my kids are <i>special together</i> - that they understand one another and, although they can sometimes use this knowledge to annoy eachother, they can also use it to comfort and help. As Maggie hopped into the school, always in direct contact with her EA, happy and bubbly - and Winnie, reassuring me that all would be fine as I waved them inside on their first full day together in school - I breathed a sigh of relief that the day started well. I need this breath before the edge of anxiety creeps back up to claw at me as I wait to hear how their day went.<br />
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I've done all I can to prepare everyone. I have confidence that all will be well, but anxiety over the actual outcome. But I know, they need this. They can do this. I can do this. Just Breathe.<br />
Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-19709646620125429582012-05-15T06:59:00.004-07:002012-05-15T06:59:40.169-07:00The StrangerThe last few weeks there has been a bit of a scare about a stranger lurking in the town where my oldest goes to school. Many memos, notices and bulletins have been broadcast about the individuals and we've been cautioned to remind our kids about the dangers of strangers. "Stranger Danger" and wagging fingers abound in my neighbourhood. But for kids like mine - "Stranger Danger" may be sending the wrong message. Well, perhaps not wrong, but confusing.<br />
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Our kids have a hard time making friends, and tend to prefer adults who may understand them better than children. That said, they don't always have the instincts that tell them something might be wrong, or they do, but aren't able to express them appropriately. We've so often forced them out of their comfort zone in an attempt to get them to socialize, that suddenly telling them that all strangers are potential child snatchers and to assume they're all bad until you know them, may actually be sending a mixed message. I say "suddenly" even though we've tried to teach them that some people aren't good for them, but they've likely rarely come across someone who was really bad - instead of perhaps just didn't like them.<br />
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My kids have problems understanding that if they stand in the street, they could get hit by a truck let alone that some people may be out to do them harm. I struggled with how to explain to them to be wary of others, without them leaving with the understanding, and perhaps added confusion, that strangers are usually bad.<br />
<br />
So, without any further adieu or explanation - here is my home grown social story about Strangers: <a href="https://docs.google.com/presentation/pub?id=1pp8h5FezVSRYqsJRpj7zucT_74tKWt59N_JkhZxJ2aI&start=false&loop=false&delayms=3000#slide=id.p20" target="_blank">What are Strangers?</a> - A PowerPoint (but printable) presentation. Enjoy and please let me know what you think, or if I made any errors. Comments are always welcome.Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-3373439859631091532012-05-05T10:48:00.003-07:002012-05-06T16:56:18.316-07:00The Autism Mom's Divide.<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was checking Facebook today and saw this posted to an Autism group. Its apparently an "Autism For Dummies list of dos and don'ts" taken from a website. Sometimes I find I disagree with some other mom's on some fundamentals and this is just an example of that.The post read as follows:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #d9ead3;"><i><span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">AUTISM FOR DUMMIES...</span></i><i><br style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" /></i><i><span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Here are a few things you need to know when dealing with kids with autism. Those of you that have typical kids, or love someone with autism, please take note:</span></i></span></blockquote>
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<i><span style="background-color: #d9ead3; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">1. Please don't say to the parents, "can't you just". No we can't just give him something else to do, distract him, blah blah blah. If we could, don't you think we would?</span></i></blockquote>
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<i><span style="background-color: #d9ead3; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">2. Please don't tell us to ignore his behavior. "Have you ever tried ignoring it when he tells you something repeatedly?" Well I challenge you to hear "I can eat dinner at 6" every 30 seconds for five hours. Seriously. </span></i></blockquote>
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<i><span style="background-color: #d9ead3; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">3. Please don't ask us "why do you think he is having a meltdown or why is he so upset?" when it seems to be for no apparent reason. Um because he has autism, that's why. If I could get that info, I would.</span></i></blockquote>
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<i><span style="background-color: #d9ead3; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">4. Please don't say the following, "wow you have so much on your plate", or "oh you are a saint". We have our plate and it's no bigger than anyone elses. I am far from a saint and pity is really offensive. Everyone has life and parenting challenges.</span></i></blockquote>
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<i><span style="background-color: #d9ead3; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">5. Offer to help and mean it. If you want to help your friend or family member, babysit, come over and engage the kid, or just listen if we need someone to talk to. We don't expect anyone to solve our problems, we just need empathy and action.</span></i></blockquote>
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<i><span style="background-color: #d9ead3; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">6. Don't ask us if our kid is going to college, going to drive, or going to live on his own. We would have a better chance of drowning in the bathtub than knowing that.</span></i></blockquote>
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<i><span style="background-color: #d9ead3; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">7. Never give up on our kids. Never look at them and think they have limitations. They may be different but they are not less!!! (TG credit there).</span></i></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: #d9ead3;"><i><span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">I am sure I can come up with more. Just like autism, nothing is as we expect it to be, so this is not a top ten list, it's a top seven!</span></i><i><span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">- via autisable.com</span></i></span></blockquote>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">So... I have to say I don't agree with the majority of this list... let me explain why... besides the impression I get from the article that the writers are angry with the general </span></span><span style="line-height: 18px;">populous and have given up with "That's too hard" and "Its Autism" for excuses, t</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">he explanations are below correspond to the "rule" numbers above:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #d9ead3; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">1) You can distract or calm depending on the issue and the child - Know your children, what they need, how to help them and what they can handle.</span><span style="line-height: 14px;"> </span></span><br />
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<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="background-color: #d9ead3;"><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 14px;">2) Ignoring a behaviour may actually help - its annoying, its hard, and sometimes its ALMOST impossible - BUT it ISN'T IMPOSSIBLE and its a CHOICE YOU MAKE. If you feel its not worth your time/patience/s</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit; line-height: 14px;">anity to ignore - then that's you're decision. But coming from someone who's had to ignore biting incidents that nearly drew blood... you certainly can "Just ignore that".</span></span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: #d9ead3; display: inline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">3) He/she is NOT having a meltdown "because they have autism". They're having a meltdown because they 1) are overwhelmed 2) can't communicate 3) are disturbed by something in their environment 3) are experiencing pain, sickness or something else and can't tell you why (see 2). Their meltdown is not simply "because they have autism". If you choose not to get to know your child, that's on you. Don't blame autism because you don't want to pay attention.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: #d9ead3; display: inline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">4) Pitty is not offensive, however, lack of compassion is heartbreaking. Everyone has their own challenges, and you never know the true story of what someone's life is like. Don't judge me, I won't judge you.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: #d9ead3; display: inline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5) Don't offer to watch my kids - that's not helping me, that's stressing me out. Come have coffee with me, ask me questions, learn about my family and I and keep an open mind. If you want to help me, start with that. Everything else will either embarrass me, or stress me out.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">6) Its actually quite easy to drown in a bathtub. That said, don't rule out things just because they "might not happen." If the possibility is there, then its there - no matter if its realized or not. And with our kids, the possibility is always there.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">7) I totally agree with this - but add, don't give up on yourself, don't sell yourself short - You're a mom, and an amazing mom capable of great things and your child will shine through you.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: #d9ead3; display: inline; line-height: 14px;">What do you think? I welcome your comments!</span></span></div>Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-10286341122737824552012-04-27T06:35:00.002-07:002012-04-27T06:35:32.560-07:00Diary of a rough day<b id="internal-source-marker_0.1931205599103123"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yesterday was a helluva day. Today is nice, calm and quiet - I almost don’t want to ruin the lull with an outing that was promised. But I promised and so it shall be done. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yesterday’s routine was jumbled for both my girls. Winnie had a doctor's appointment and Maggie had a field trip with her class. For most kids, these changes would be a welcome distraction from the every day. For my kids, they’re a nightmare of uncertainties. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Like most parents, I’m sure - I try to schedule doctor’s appointments outside school hours so as to not disrupt the day too much - and this time I did as well. However, last week I got a call that the appointment was to be in the afternoon, just before school ended. From then, I began preparing Winnie with the reality that she was leaving school early. And so began the explaining, reassuring, and mini quizzing that goes along with getting her to understand that there’s a change in the everyday, and that she can handle it. So far so good - she seemed to be handling it very well and was excited that I was coming to pick her up from school.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then of course, the day before the appointment, the doctor’s office calls again - change of plans, her appointment is first thing in the morning instead. As I tried to explain this to Winnie, I could see that she was going to have a rough time with it. There was just not enough time to check and reassure - and she was upset at the potential of missing her favorite school activities. She was going to miss the quiet bus ride to school, where everyone is sleepily saying hello and the bus is too crowded to do much but sit and look out the window. She was going to miss the morning message and song - and, she assumed she was going to miss PhysEd. No amount of me talking to her was going to make this better and she let me know that she was pissed off and freaked. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She tried her best to get her day to go the way she wanted. While I was in the shower, she had gotten up, dressed, packed her own lunch and got her coat and boots on. When I </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">still </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">said she couldn’t go on the morning bus, she tried a different tactic. She wanted to tell the bus driver herself that she had a doctor’s appointment. Believing this to be a reasonable request, we waited for the bus to come. But as she got more and more agitated and anxious, I could see she had more in mind. Asking her a few focused questions revealed that, indeed, she was planning on running onto the bus </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">after </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">she told the bus driver about her appointment. When I explained that she still couldn’t take the bus to school she simply ignored me. When the moment came and she finished her chat with the driver, I had to physically remove her crying, kicking, struggling body from the first step of the bus with the driver watching in shock. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I got her calmed down enough to get her to the doctor’s office - the doctor arriving into work 30 minutes late. Winnie, although complaining about the time, was relatively calm, and quietly scolded the doctor for being late, to which he pointedly ignored. They spoke about Angry Birds and school. When I explained to Winnie later that the doctor said he didn’t think she should be playing video games like angry birds (or anything for that matter) she replied with a quiet “But I like Angry Birds”. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ms. Anxious Winnie watched the clock the entire ride back to school, complaining about being late and missing things - stiff and rigid in her seat as she frantically counted the minutes until we arrived at school. Running up to her classroom, her shoes were missing from the spot on the wall and that seemed to be the last straw. Avoiding my grasp, she burst into the classroom and ran to her seat - standing in front of it she began to cry in front of her entire class - breaking my heart and wishing I could have made this day better, I turn to her EA to explain the events of the morning and she frowns down at me “Well if we had’ve known, we could have prepared her..” </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yah, my thoughts exactly. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But then, at the same time, I know I can’t prepare them for everything - it's where adaptability comes in - a skill she’ll have to learn if she’s going to avoid a lot of days like yesterday. I just wish I knew how to teach that another way than the current “sink or swim” method that life throws our way. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maggie got to see the fire station - she has decided she wants to be a bus driver and a fire fighter. She’s got plans that one. And although the outing was very overwhelming, she did really well and fought her sensitivities and rigidity with plain old sleep on the way home - the notable difference now being increased reactions to things that bother her - more screaming, more tantrums and more crying about the small things. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There were no reports of anything happening at school, and Winnie seemed very happy getting off the bus. Just before supper she let us know the day was rough though - acting out, screaming and being nasty - basically begging for a time out and the quiet alone time she needed. It was satisfying to see her calmly curling up next to her grandma at bedtime - the extremely rough day behind her. And us. For now. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can’t protect them from everything, I can’t prepare them for everything and I can’t always be there to soften the blow - but I can listen, and learn, and teach the skills that will help them next time.Next time, they’ll have this time to fall back on so that next time will be easier. Next time. </span></b>Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-73461056977018301912012-04-04T17:00:00.000-07:002012-04-04T17:03:43.040-07:00A Collection of Advice<br />
I had a question from a friend tonight - okay a series of questions - about what to do for a child whom is having meltdowns during various things - transitions, outings, getting dressed etc. And honestly, my reply was a complicated one with various suggestions. It reminded me of a reply I made a while ago to a mom with a similar question on a "Mom website" that I frequent. Although this child was on the Autism Spectrum, the suggestions I had weren't necessarily for only Autistic individuals.<br />
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My suggestions will seem like a lot of work at first, but trust me, if you stick with it its very likely that it will help and later you can look back on this time with a sigh and "Remember when it was that bad?? I'm so glad its not like that anymore." Also, I use any suggestions relating to parenting or autism the same as 12 steppers - Take what you need and leave the rest. Not everything is going to work for you, or in your personal situation. Here is a combination of efforts that work at my house.<br />
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<b>A visual schedule </b>generally helps autistic children see what's coming. And that's a big deal when you don't understand a lot of what you see other people around you automatically getting. Its a key to helping them be less frustrated. This can include a daily schedule, or even a visual timer of some sort (like a circular cooking timer you can find at your Dollar stores or whatnot. The digital ones with no circle on them generally don't do much. I've even downloaded a timer for my phone so I have one wherever I go.).<br />
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<b>Let your child know, BEFORE agreeing to the activity how long they'll have</b> - and stick with it! Its easy to say "oh fine, have 5 more minutes" because they're screaming their heads off... but next time, they'll remember that they screamed and got more time - so why not use the same tactic this time??<br />
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<b>Remind them</b> (Verbal or visual prompting the professionals call it) when its getting close to the time they need to be done playing. Make sure they're paying attention to you when you do this. My kids were taught during their early intervention that when I tap my finger to my chin, it means "I'm saying something to you, pay attention and acknowledge me". It only takes a second usually to get them to say "Okay mom, 10 minutes" or something to that effect, to let YOU know that THEY heard you. Because when our kids are doing something they like, lets face it, they can be completely zoned out to you, and you screaming at them about something they're not interested in, is not gonna do a lick of good!<br />
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<b>Praise him when he's good!</b> The first time he gets off his game when you ask him to, dance a jig, give him tickles, make him laugh and smile any way you know how. At first he's not going to do what you want him to because it gives him a warm fuzzy feeling to obey you. There has to be something in it. So, if he gets off his game and you have a 3 minute mini celebration... He's thinking "hey... wow... that was pretty nice... I like that better than meltdown... "<br />
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<b>Whenever he has a meltdown, try to write it down.</b> This is tracking the behavior so you can figure out what's causing it. If you can figure it out - it will save you potential headaches down the line. Took me FOREVER to figure out that there's something in Blues music that drive my kids insane. They'd be climbing the walls and having meltdowns left and right - I saw no pattern, <b><i>until I recorded what happened just before, and during, and after the meltdowns or behavoirs. </i></b>Now, I know that my kids just can't handle some of the sounds in music, but other types calm them - that milk hurts my youngest's tummy and that my oldest gets into the syrups in the fridge because she gets a bath out of it. "UGH! Why are they crying, freaking, getting into things?!" is a common exasperated cry, but by charting it and using a little analaysis, you can avoid things in the future. <br />
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<b>Until you figure it out, do your best to ignore it </b>(if its possible, and sometimes, it just isn't!) Generally, you don't want to give any attention to a meltdown until you figure out the cause of it - because YOUR reaction MAY be the reason they're having the issue to begin with. I know from experience that sometimes your reaction can be 'controllable entertainment'. If they freak out, and you make that crazy face that is honestly hilarious to onlookers - that's pretty good entertainment - that they controlled the start of! And seriously, in a world where they don't control hardly anything, they want that control. So, when its a behavoir I'm tracking, I walk away (usually to the fridge where I keep my behavior charts) and write what's going on (Which is also why my handwriting on the forms looks like Satan wrote it, I'm angry, silent and trying to keep my cool!).<br />
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<b>Keep your speech simple.</b> I never want to feel like I'm talking down to my children. But at the same time, we have to remember that what is a regular room to us, can be like a flashing loud discotheque for our kids! If you say "Hey, can you go to the door, find your boots, put them on, grab your coat its time to go!" They may have heard one or two things.. which is why they grab their coat and wait at the door for you, and then have a meltdown because you insist they put on their shoes first! They may have actually only heard you say "Hey! ... Get your coat its time to go!" because of all the other distractions going on for them. Its not necessarily that they don't understand as much as... well... frankly they got a lot goin' on!<br />
<br />
There are a lot of other things we use in our house too, because it really is a combination of things that tend to work for people. I'm sure I'll post another bit of suggestions at a later date. And sadly, it WILL probably get worse before it gets better. But after that HUGE and TRYING episode, you'll notice that it will get better.<br />
<br />
Keep Calm and Carry On!Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-52470992482496571402012-03-17T07:58:00.001-07:002012-03-17T07:58:57.266-07:00Making up for lost timeI've been awful about keeping <a href="http://nbmomma.blogspot.ca/2011/12/letter-to-me-new-years-resolutions.html" target="_blank">my new years resolutions</a> - but oddly enough, in the last few days I've been on a writing kick! I think that spring is on the way and I'm already feeling upbeat, bubbly, happy and I have more energy! Hooray for the sun and warmth that springtime brings!<br />
<br />
With my writing, I've been a bit all over the place, and set them up on HubPages - so take a peek if they interest you!<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Oatcakes - my story and the recipe! <a href="http://odiedriver.hubpages.com/hub/Oatcakes-the-plain-treat-that-your-kids-will-love" target="_blank">Oatcakes - the plain treat that your kids will love!</a></li>
<li>How to disable your multilingual options on your PC - <a href="http://odiedriver.hubpages.com/hub/Locking-up-the-Keys-Disabling-multilingual-function-on-a-Windows-7-PC" target="_blank">Locking up the Keys - Disabling Multilingual Function on a windows 7 PC</a></li>
<li><a href="http://odiedriver.hubpages.com/hub/Sensory-Sensitivies-At-School" target="_blank">Sensory Sensitivity at School</a> - a follow up to an older post - <a href="http://odiedriver.hubpages.com/hub/My-Daughter-and-her-dislike-of-school" target="_blank">My daughter and her dislike of school</a></li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
I also joined a support website for parents or people affected by autism, and I really enjoy it so far! Its called <a href="http://www.myautismteam.com/" target="_blank">MyAutismTeam.com</a> and they've just started adding Canadians to the site! If you're interested, give it a peek and feel free to <a href="http://www.myautismteam.com/users/JanSinnett" target="_blank">add me to your team</a>!Janhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03522767097698115174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-47788132275357717142012-01-04T12:57:00.000-08:002012-01-04T13:01:54.252-08:00Of Shades and Sparks<br />
When people whom are not in my life every day or whom do not know me and my family very well find out that my children have Autism - the immediate images that they conjure are generally of "Rain Main" - however, he was a fairly severe case of Autism. "Autism" in itself is not a diagnosis, because "Autism" is an umbrella term, like many things in our lives: Meat, alcohol, Christian, Holidays, colors, shoes, chocolate etc...<br />
<br />
In fact, I'm going to relate Autism to a color palatte... only because I like to design things and hopefully it will help prove my point.<br />
<br />
Think of the human brain as having a color. If we go to, say "Benjamin Moore" to pick out a paint color, you can imagine how many colors there are to choose from, so first we start with a very very broad perspective. If we look at "all" the colors generalized, we might see something like this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-THgRfv8sYnI/TwSpioKdGWI/AAAAAAAAAC4/sMMcquDfWhk/s1600/ASDFullColorPalette.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-THgRfv8sYnI/TwSpioKdGWI/AAAAAAAAAC4/sMMcquDfWhk/s400/ASDFullColorPalette.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Each color may be thought of as a generalized view of how someone's brain works, how how they think. Someone might have a red brain or a blue brain and can see themselves clearly on this view, or at least the general area where they fit.<br />
<br />
Once you figure out what color your brain is it tells you a little bit about yourself. We're always doing this with various tests, IQ, personality etc etc - how many times has your boss sent you on a team building exercise that has these types of things in it? As humans, it helps us to quickly understand something if we can classify it, and we do so with just about everything - ourselves, others and things! Once we classify something generally we decide if we want to learn more, or move on. For instance - a vegan, once they classify something as a meat, will 'toss it' - they don't want to know more because its not useful to them. It says MEAT on it and they look, blink, and keep walking. This is a pretty common response to a generalized classification system that we give EVERYTHING.<br />
<br />
So, what does this have to do with my explanation on Autism? When you say the word "Autism", the knee jerk reaction is to think "Rain Man". That's the same as the Vegan's reaction to the word "Meat". (I'm not picking on vegan's - I could have used "A dog's reaction to the word "bacon" because they don't care what kind of bacon it is, if its bacon, they want it.)<br />
<br />
A woman painting a room asks her husband "What color should we paint it?" and he says "green".She goes down to Benjamin Moore to buy the paint and she says "I want to paint my room green" and they say "Okay, which green?" and give her this:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ysrt4wUZboc/TwSt4gSnvzI/AAAAAAAAADE/sBXjooQn8pc/s1600/ASDGreenColorPalette.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="175" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ysrt4wUZboc/TwSt4gSnvzI/AAAAAAAAADE/sBXjooQn8pc/s400/ASDGreenColorPalette.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
Normally, for her green is green. It may come in light green, dark green but she's never really thought about how many different shades of green there are. Our brain does this all the time - it generalizes and we don't realize that we do until we take a closer look. We don't take a closer look until it affects us, until we need to.<br />
<br />
If you went to the doctor, and he told you that your child's brain was green - think like a painter, a designer, and ask "What shade of green?" - Autism has many many shades.<br />
<br />
Generally when we see puzzle piece pictures, we see them in many colors. It tries to reiterate the "spectrum" by showing colors in the rainbow and the diversity by showing the many different colors there are -<br />
<br />
However, our brains don't see it that way. We see Autism as"Green". Just like Vegans see "Meat". If we want to know more, its up to us. Green can be just green, or it can be like this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lmw9PMv2lZk/TwSvx5sz-cI/AAAAAAAAADQ/4uHTRekG7Rg/s1600/ASDGreenUmbrella.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lmw9PMv2lZk/TwSvx5sz-cI/AAAAAAAAADQ/4uHTRekG7Rg/s400/ASDGreenUmbrella.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
By taking notice, we can learn that Autism can actually be more of a subtle "minced onion" green (1A), a more encompassing green like "central park" green (5C), or a full on lush green like "vine green" (6D).<br />
<br />
This is the umbrella that most people see when they are told that their child has Autism.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-n9A3Bc-mR3I/TwSxqkl_sTI/AAAAAAAAADc/lYUGGM4IJxM/s1600/umbrella.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-n9A3Bc-mR3I/TwSxqkl_sTI/AAAAAAAAADc/lYUGGM4IJxM/s400/umbrella.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Parents are generally told "Pervasive Development Disorder" or "Autism" long before their child is fully diagnosed as their particular shade of the spectrum. Its a pretty good literal translation of an umbrella term and helped me understand why my child was classified as ASD generalized - and where she fit among the others. That's a pretty good clinical sort of explanation.<br />
<br />
Once I got to know more about Autism, the parents and families that are affected by it, the less the "umbrella" seemed to fit.. The more I needed to define further.<br />
<br />
All this said, my daughters both have Autism Spectrum Disorder - Under the umbrella, Winnie is classified as Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not otherwise specified, and Maggie is classified as Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Autistic Disorder.<br />
<br />
But for me, and anyone that knows us - Winnie is a lovely shade of Richmond Green (5D) and Maggie is a bright and funky Garland Green (3C)! I'm not sure where<a href="http://www.billsackter.com/Bills_Story.html" target="_blank"> Bill Sackter</a> (aka "Rain Man") is in the shade of things, but perhaps he was a thought provoking Forest Hills Green (6C).<br />
<br />
So much we miss without the spark - which is why I'm constantly out there with my "autism candle" of awareness - trying to light the spark for someone else - the spark of desire to learn more. I wonder what other shades of life there are that we're missing!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-26456881766726593802011-12-26T07:24:00.000-08:002011-12-26T07:28:00.728-08:00Letter to Me: New Years Resolutions<br />
Dear Me,<br />
Last year was kind of a bust. Nothing really happened the way that you wanted it to and you were super stressed 90% of the time. You stopped doing all kinds of things that make your life better and fell into the<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBaDcOBoHFk" target="_blank"><b> pit of dispair</b></a> instead of holding your chin up like you tell everyone else to do. This year, please accept the following as a list of criteria to be met on our next annual review:<br />
<br />
<b>Finish reading The BCG Genealogical Standards Manual</b> that is collecting dust on my desk. Its something you're really really really interested in and will enrich your life. With each awesome thing comes a little boring crap.<br />
<br />
<b>Yell less. Breathe more. </b> You stress yourself when you yell - <b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZshZp-cxKg" target="_blank">counting to 12</a> does you wonders.</b> Keep doing that, and add some deep breathing to the mix. It will relax the bunched muscles that stress causes and make you feel *gasp* better. Amazing I know, how do I come up with these pearls of wisdom??<br />
<br />
<b>Walk more.</b> Remember - <b><a href="http://www.liftpersonalfitness.ca/" target="_blank">Silas the Awesome Super Trainer</a> says you can</b> - so get off your butt and do it . You used to walk daily - and still can. Walking does not entail walking alone, nor do you need daylight. Take the kids, take the dog, go alone - you'll be surprised at how much better you feel afterwards even though you're panting like a track runner the entire time. <b style="font-style: italic;">DO NOT pat yourself on the back by eating the closest Mars bar. </b>Have a drink of water and smile<b style="font-style: italic;">.</b> That's a pretty good reward actually.<br />
<br />
<b>Play the Wii.</b> Its fun. You remember this every time you do it. It also helps give you exercise. Seriously. Play.<br />
<br />
<b>Write one article a week. </b>Don't let yourself stay in your writers funk because you're out of practice. Writing more articles on some of the things you belong to <b>can actually give you income.</b> You have a lot to share, you just need to organize yourself and let the words get out. Writing more smaller articles will help. Pick something and GO!<br />
<br />
<b>Mentally ground and imprint often</b> - you're missing a lot. When you're overwhelmed you're in your fuzzy patch. You don't remember things, situations, what people say to you and are perpetually on auto pilot. Its bad to do that, and sad too, because you're missing things. Important things, silly things, awesome things - you're missing them. Keep your thought journal again. It will help you to see what you're missing so you can better keep your focus. You can remember every detail of random points throughout your life because <b>you made a point to remember them</b>. Practice that. Don't miss out. You can do this, and you'll be happier for it!<br />
<br />
<b>Listen to your doctor </b>- eat less fast burners. Seriously, you don't want to be fat, nor do you want to be diabetic in the near future. The headaches you get when you eat fast burners suck. Your sugar highs make your mind unstable. <b>You feel better</b> when you eat what you're supposed to eat. Cravings are natural - satisfy them. However, you probably want to stick with eating one reece cup and not an entire bag of them. Take it out, <b>put the bag away</b> and then eat the cup. If its out of reach, you're much less likely to go back for more.<br />
<br />
All of these things together will help you throughout the year, but more importantly, they'll help you be more confident in yourself - so that when someone says something negative, or does something that hurts you, you will be better prepared to let it roll off you. Grabbing on to the thoughts that you're a bad person and holding them to you like a long lost teddy bear are pretty bad for you. Recognize that you do that. Recognize that you want to change your life. Once you take a minute to do that, make your plan. Its great for you that I've already done this. Here is your plan for the year, all written out in black and white. Now..<br />
<br />
<b>Do it. </b><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Much love, </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Me. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-15503255755422471742011-12-24T15:30:00.000-08:002011-12-24T15:30:27.181-08:00Searching or Helping?Its Christmas Eve and I've got something on the brain. Am I a searcher?<br />
<br />
I've noticed that there seems to be an increasingly poor feeling towards mothers or families who search out help with regards to their children - whether it be medical advice or otherwise. It makes me sad. It also makes me scared, rethink myself, second guess myself and get myself to believe that my initial "helping" may actually be harming.<br />
<br />
But is it?<br />
<br />
Its so confusing and hard to judge... I guess the most you can do is get educated about your child, what's "normal" and what isn't. Which I suppose is why I'm always reading and taking notes and seemingly like a woman possessed.<br />
<br />
Why?<br />
<br />
Because something is "off". Something doesn't "feel" right. My mommy sense is tingling.<br />
<br />
Both of my kids have been diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum. My oldest is diagnosed as Pervasive Development Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified. She is now 6 and we've been living with her diagnoses since she was about 4. By completing the therapies, learning how to teach her and how she finds the world, we've been able to signifigantly improve our lives. I have no doubt, by her symptoms, actions, and what we've used to help her, that she indeed does have PDD-NOS. When I look at my oldest, I know that life still isn't perfect, and never will be - but I know that we've cracked the code with her - we can get her to understand us, and us her. We understand what bothers her, how she learns, what she can tolerate and what we can work on to improve the quality of her life.<br />
<br />
My youngest was diagnosed shortly after my oldest as out-and-out Autism. At 2 years old you'd think it would be hard to tell, but after a few sessions with her, they came out with the diagnosis of Autism with an expectation that she would "maybe recover, maybe not". She is now 4 and after working with her, I'm still not feeling that calm that I have with my oldest. My mommy sense is still active.<br />
<br />
So, I spend my time figuring out, charting, recording, and analysing. I NEED to know how to help her. Maybe there is something about Autism that I am missing.<br />
<br />
Generally, after I write something down, I throw the issue into google. "How can I help my child who.. "<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Is so very happy, until something sets her off and she's suddenly freaking out like its the end of the world... </li>
<li>Likes to just NOT want to do whatever it is that you want her to do. It could be her favorite thing, and she will dig her heels in and NOT do it, JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT HER TO. </li>
<li>Is extremely distracted - unable to pay attention to someone talking to her for more than 3 seconds at a time. </li>
<li>Is extremely hyperactive</li>
<li>is extremely impulsive - hitting, touching dangerous things or running away in an instant. </li>
<li>is unable to sit still unless strapped into something. </li>
<li>is aggressive towards others at random</li>
<li>calls herself "a bad girl" or a "mean girl". </li>
<li>When sleeping, we're unable to rouse. </li>
<li>urinates at random - wetting on beds, couches or even right at the toilet. Just simply appearing to "not" go even though she is aware of how and has plenty of time and reminders. Sometimes she can potty like a pro, other times it appears she simply chooses not to. </li>
<li>Is bossy with everything and will have a behavoir if things are not done her way</li>
<li>breaks everything when mad</li>
<li>Will say she didn't do something, when she did and you watched her - basically lies so she won't get into trouble.</li>
</ul>
<br />
This seems like a lot.. but keep in mind I've been watching it for a while, and these things are completely common in my youngest. Its an everyday experience.<br />
<br />
While I was researching, my searches seemed to point me in a similar direction... so now I have an idea of what the problem is. My dilema now is... am I searching? Or am I right?<br />
<br />
Now that I have an idea of what it may be, do I take it to the Doctor? Will I be ridiculed for pressing for more when she already has another diagnosis of something severe? Do I live with what she has now, or do I press to have her tested for the potential that she has the issue that my gut tells me she has? Will having another label help? Will having medication help or make things worse?<br />
<br />
Do I stick with the devil I know, or press on and see what's behind door number two?<br />
<br />
Of people I've talked to about it in my close circle, they are of both minds, and so am I. Do I want to give her another label? Am I simply seeing something that isn't there? If I dig will this help or hinder her progress?<br />
<br />
I grit my teeth as I say this, but I have made the decision to contact the pediatrician again in the new year and ensure my youngest's follow up appointment - there I will bring up my suspicion and see what he says.<br />
Maybe he'll think I'm crazy. Maybe he'll be willing to run some tests. Maybe he'll agree with me completely. I'll never know unless I ask. I can't stand by with all the "what ifs" when the screaming "what if" is "What if it can help her?".<br />
<br />
After all, my hard work/potential paranoia is not for me, its for her and her potential well being and comfort of life. I won't be here forever, now is the only time I have to lay the groundwork for the life she will lead. Helping her understand herself and cope with things is just one step in achieving that. I have to understand her before I can explain her - and she needs to understand that she's not bad - she's wonderful.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-44873140768424424862011-12-13T04:45:00.000-08:002011-12-13T04:47:15.997-08:00Christmas Concert - Winnie's Big Girl Self HelpWinnie is off to school this morning - that in itself is a feat that was so incredibly difficult last year and this year has had some minor hiccups - but today, its her Christmas Concert. She's all dolled up in a very pretty dress, with her plain, but pretty and noiseless shoes in her backpack (no velcro, clips or hard soles to make unnecessary noise when she moves). Her hair is out of her face and her face is clean. She knows her song and will do her very best to make her classmates proud by doing her part - singing loudly, in a pretty (not silly) tone and remembering all the words.<br />
<br />
For a child without ASD - she'd be ready! However, Winnie needs a bit of extra planning, and she knows this - so as we wait for the bus, with my hands over her ears because the sound of the distant (and passing by) cars and trucks seem to set her on edge in the mornings, we go over her "sensory plan".<br />
<br />
I remind her calmly that today is her concert, and she laughs at me because, duh.. she already knows that! Check that off the list. Then I remind her that there will be lots of people and it may be very loud. Ah. There's that small look of panic that crosses her features. Getting down low and holding her close to me with my hands still over hear ears, I remind her:<br />
"But that's okay. You can do this. Remember what you can do if you get upset.. what can you do Winnie?" and then she begins her own personal checklist of things that can help her when she gets overwhelmed.<br />
<br />
Hopefully this little game of remembering will help her in that crutial panic moment later on in the morning. This is what she thought of, all things that help her, and were rehearsed this morning, standing on the side of the road as we waited for the bus.<br />
<br />
1)<b> Breathing deeply. </b>This helps calm her heartrate and gives her something else to focus on for a moment instead of the overwhelming sounds, crowds or lights. We've taught her to focus on feeling (or seeing depending on the weather) the breath go in and out of her body and to do this slowly - although when she panics it is considerably faster than in practice!<br />
<br />
2) <b>Letting someone know whats going on!</b> - We practiced this little script a few times this morning. It lets someone know that she's getting overwhelmed, why she's getting overwhelmed and what she's going to try to do about it.<br />
<br />
<i>"Excuse me, Teacher. Its so very loud in here! It is making me upset. I am going to hum a song. It makes me feel better."</i><br />
<br />
When Winnie gets overwhelmed, she likes to block out all other sounds. Its why when we're in the car alone or after a bad day, she'd like the music as loud as she can get it. If she's not overwhelmed, she wants no music at all - because it gives her less 'interference' to have to tolerate. When she's visiting a friend and she's overwhelmed, we give her a headset and let her listen to songs or videos from my smartphone. When she's at school though, she sometimes has to improvise, and that's where the humming comes in!<br />
<br />
Although, the trick here is getting her to let someone know she's going to hum and why, and to<b> hum something that everyone knows</b> so they don't think she's just that crazy girls that hums. Today, it started out as a song from the computer, but we got her to switch to something more popular that she liked as well - it was "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer".<br />
<br />
3) <b>Ask for a break</b> - Winnie's teachers are very good about letting her "take a break" when she gets overwhelmed and just needs a minibreak from other kids. By doing this, if at all possible at the time, she can go someplace quite away from others and let herself "regroup" or "recharge" for some more social time.<br />
<br />
Big stuff like today our kids shouldn't miss out on. However, they require lots of preparation in advance. Letting our kids practice self help steps so they know what to do, what's appropriate and that just all out screaming their head off probably not the better option, then reminding them what to expect and how they can help themselves tolerate rough situations, is a pretty good recipe for success!<br />
<br />
I have my fingers crossed for Winnie, but I'm already so very very proud of my little girl.<br />
<div><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-63811486056125096342011-12-01T12:21:00.001-08:002011-12-01T12:21:27.103-08:00School Motivation and DistractionsI have so much that I want to share, I'm not sure where to start. I've been asked - repeatedly - to write a book. Some from people I know, and some just from people I've talked to with kids on the spectrum. My problem is not knowing where to begin.<br />
<br />
There are a few forum websites that I actively participate on geared towards mom's. Some pages that have forum areas specifically for parents of children with ASD. Every day I go on and see if I can learn something new, or share some of my stories.<br />
<br />
This morning, someone was having problems motivating their son to go to school. When he did actually get there, he wasn't able to focus and was having major problems at school because of this. It brought me to mind of Winnie at school and the problems we've had.<br />
<br />
It was really hard for Winnie to get motivated for school and to keep focused while at school. So far this year though, we've had minimal problems that were easily solved. Here's what we did, and it may help you, or may not. Take its as you will! :)<br />
<br />
Getting her motivated to even go was very very hard. It was way more fun for her to stay home where she could have one on one time with mommy than go to school where she had to compete with other kids for attention AND they made constant demands on her. Pfft.. I'd stay home too! That said, we introduced a series of rewards with her which we "shaped up" to the broader rewards we use today.<br />
<br />
The first one was getting her to agree to go to school. This started as a daily thing and was given with an easy reward that we could do at home. "If you go to school all day today, you can play your favorite game right when you get home. But you have to go to school all day and if you don't, you don't get your game AT ALL today." - Once she went to school for a full week using this method (switching up the activity so it was still something she wanted to do something she didn't like to be able to get it!) - we moved to "if you go to school all week we can.. " and did small outings with animals or something (here we have a free petting zoo/farm, or we'd go to the pet store to look around at the animals etc). We also use motivators like going to her friends house to visit, going to the park to play on the monkey bars etc. We phased out those rewards for school as well, since now she doesn't have a problem going - its a part of the routine that she likes! Plus we use mini motivators like "Aren't you going to the library today? Don't forget you wanted to look for a book about dragons!" She also used to hate taking the bus. The school introduced a "surprise" motivator. If she went on the bus, she got a surprise (which was a dollar store lizard, or a piece of candy - she'd never know what it was, but was eager to see what it would be that day). If she didn't go on the bus, she didn't get the surprise!<br />
<br />
The second thing we had to work on was her focus. This took a bit because we had to figure out what things were distracting her. For this, I still have to rely on the teachers at the school to help me out and they're pretty good about it. My daughter gets very distracted by light, so the teacher makes sure to help with that by closing the blinds on really sunny days and moving things that may be reflecting on the walls. She also noticed that when she would bite on her hair (just put her hair in her mouth while at school) she would be completely distracted and not listen to the teacher. After a note home when this was noticed, I started putting her hair in pig tails and that helped a lot. Now Winnie knows that if she doesn't want pig tails in her hair, she can't chew on it at school - so it lets her notice that she's doing something that distracts herself too!<br />
<br />
Having a open communication policy with the teachers at school has helped her a lot so be sure to discuss concerns with them and ask them if they have suggestions as well. Being with our kids 6 hours or more a day, they're pretty decent at suggestions too! We've also used visual prompters too to remind her that she needs to focus on her work. A handheld sign, hand signal or verbal prompt can be very effective. I tap my finger to my chin at home and it lets her know she needs to focus on what I'm telling her and her teacher uses "Eyes up here" as a reminder to her class and it works well for her also.<br />
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Life with kids like ours is a lot of trial and error, because what works for some, won't work with others. "Intervention" though doesn't stop when they leave the office of the professionals. Lots of things we'll still have to intervene on to make life a little more comfortable and functional for our amazing little people.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-14534921114785398732011-11-21T04:28:00.001-08:002011-11-21T04:30:00.713-08:00Moved from Facebook - A Crash Course in ABA...<b><i>Originally posted in a note on Facebook - Thursday, April 22, 2010 at 7:23am</i></b><br />
Yesterday my brother came over to help me out - this was his day two in his help crusade and I was grateful to have his assistance. Winnie had gone to preschool and Maggie had gone to her therapy - when I picked them both up, I could tell they were a little tired. We went to my Mom's house and I let the girls run around to blow of some steam. They ate sandwiches and then it was time to go.<br />
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Maggie did her normal behavior where she didn't want to go and basically had me chase her around the yard, then put her in her car seat while she's screaming, crying and doing her best to land a right hook or a good boot to the face.<br />
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When we got home, there was a small hiccup when trying to get the girls inside, but eventually we got in with very little issue. Once inside, I asked Winnie to take her coat and boots off, to which she started to whine. So, I reduced the command to one thing at a time - incase she was feeling overwhelmed as is often the case. "Winnie, Boots off please" - Small phrases as I was taught. Winnie replied with "No, I don't wanna take boots off". She then proceeded to flop around and whine some more. I walked to the kitchen and made some coffee.<br />
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My brother, not knowing the function of this behavior, tried to do what any normal parent would do - convince her to take off her boots. "Oh, come on Winnie, its easy and you want to make Mom happy, lets just take off our boots..."<br />
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While making coffee, I looked at Winnie once and said "Winnie, boots". She whined and cried, but took her boots off. She then asked me for some chicken nuggets. I said that she could have some if she put away a particular toy. Of course, she didn't want to put it away.<br />
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Again my brother tried to help out by attempting to convince Winnie that it was no big deal to put the toy away.<br />
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The poor man had no idea what he was getting himself into. Winnie then started to cry, then throw things, then scream and become inconsolable. What started out as a behavior to escape the task I was asking of her, quickly turned into a way to gain attention.<br />
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As I heard my brother in the hallway with a very worked up Winnie, I could hear his bewilderment in his tone as he begged and pleaded with Winnie - Anything to get her to stop crying as he didn't understand what was wrong or how to help her. I remember this feeling of helplessness.<br />
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As he was getting his very first crash course in what can happen any given moment of any given day in our lives, I wrote quickly on a large peice of paper I had posted to the fridge, preparing for when I would see his flushed, scared and frantic face come around the corner of the kitchen for my help.<br />
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What was I writing? The 4 reasons an Autistic child (or any child really) has "a behavior" - not necessarily a good behavior, not a bad one - anything can be one.<br />
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Those reasons? Well, lets take a S.E.A.T :)<br />
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S - Sensory - They can be doing a behavior because they like how it feels or makes them feel (flapping their hands, spinning around in circles, hopping up and down etc).<br />
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E - Escape - They don't want to do whatever you asked them to do - their behavior is to make it so they don't have to do it.<br />
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A - Attention - Their behavior is so you'll pay attention to them.<br />
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T - Tangible - They want something from you.<br />
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Tangible can sometimes be a hard one and my brother didn't quite understand it - so I gave him this example - If Maggie throws her cup and you pick it up and ask her "Oh, you want some juice?" then give her some juice, she will learn that when she wants juice, she can throw her cup and you'll get it. Every time she wants juice, she'll throw her cup.<br />
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So as my brother stood in my kitchen, I taught him the fundamentals of behavior - with Winnie behind us screaming and throwing things at me - with me calmly ignoring the bits of paper and small toys that were hitting my back.<br />
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"So you're just gonna ignore her doing that?"<br />
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"Yep"<br />
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"Why?"<br />
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"Because the function of this behavior started out as 'Escape from what I asked her to do' and is now 'I want your attention'. But Winnie knows this is not an appropriate way to get my attention..."<br />
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"Well what do I do if I don't know which one she's going for?" he asked, looking a bit nervous, but calmer.<br />
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"Oh that's easy!" I smiled, "If you don't know what to do, just ignore it until we figure it out." He nodded his understanding, looking like he was feeling a bit better even though Winnie was still screaming her lungs out behind me and throwing the odd toy.<br />
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We both calmly walked to the living room and he nervously sat down as he waited for my lead. Winnie quieted down almost immediately when we left the room and it became obvious that Uncle Pete had been schooled now and would not be giving her the attention she was seeking.<br />
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A very short while later, Winnie was calm and "stimming" a bit - doing a movement that provides her comfort - like when a child sucks their thumb. This is like a neon light for an autistic parent to let them know that their child is overwhelmed (Which really, at this point I didn't need!). Pete was calmer too, although looking like he'd just discovered something huge. I smiled to myself, happy in the knowledge that I'd helped my kids - and I'd helped my brother too - and spread the awareness.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-466874620824192762011-11-21T04:27:00.000-08:002011-11-21T04:27:04.225-08:00Moved from Facebook - When your little kid seems so big<b><i>Originally Posted in a Note on Facebook - Friday, March 5, 2010</i></b><br />
The other day we were having a disagreement in our house - The girls wanted to play, and Momma wanted to clean. Correction: Momma needed to clean before pigmies took root in the hurricane disaster area that was the livingroom. The girls had also decided that nap was not an option - which happens sometimes, but last week happened more than most as a result of the changes in the girls' schedules because of March Break.<br />
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I tried in vain to pick up overturned toy boxes, crayons, bits of paper and other small things that got spread over the carpet in the last few days. Filling a box invited Maggie to dump it out, which got Winnie excited and they all started running around making more messes because, well that's just funny.<br />
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I stood in my livingroom watching them, getting more upset by the second. I kept nagging at them "Don't do that! Oh gosh! Can you pick that up??!! No no, not that thing I just put away!!". Finally, Winnie stopped and looked at me, realized that I'm not actually playing with them and having fun. And she began to cry. Not a fake "oh this is not fun" cry, but a "OMG I RAN OVER MY KITTEN WITH MY BIKE AND THE WORLD IS ENDING" cry.<br />
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Probably when this happens, a normal parent would want to coddle their child "Oh Suzie! What's wrong!! Don't cry!!!' But my kids can't usually answer to "What's wrong" especially when they're upset. They just can't find the words. I turned off the vacuum, took a deep breath, walked calmly over to the couch and sat down. I told Winnie (who was still bawling) to come over, and I calmly picked up her and put her on my lap, so that our faces were level. "Winnie? Are you frustrated?" I said. She took a huff and in between her sobs she said a heartfelt "Yes!". I nodded solemnly. "Yes, I thought so. Momma is frustrated too. How about we try our big breaths together?" and she said "Yes". So we started, taking our big cleansing breaths and blowing them out so our cheeks puff out and the air blows our hair around - which, to Winnie is the funnest part. Just this action takes our minds off our frustration for enough to let us rein ourselves in a bit.<br />
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After our breaths I said to Winnie "Winnie, do you want to play?". "Yes!! I want to have a party." she said. Now that she was calm, she could tell me a bit more of what she's thinking. I nod again and say "But we aren't having a party today. Momma has to clean today." to which she replied "Yes. A party. Just us. At momma's house." Oh good. A party that I don't have to invite people to. This I can do. Translation: Winnie wants to play, and she wants to play with Maggie and Momma. That's enough of a party for her. I told her "Ok. We can have a party. But first, Momma needs to clean.".<br />
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She jumped off the couch and said "No! You stay there Momma."<br />
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Feeling like I'd lost my hard fought battle and was not going to get the compromise I was hoping for, my shoulders slumped. Apparently seeing this, Winnie stopped and tried again. "You stay on the couch Momma. Winnie." and tapped her chest.<br />
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Confused, I made to get up. She comes running back "No momma, stay couch!" and runs back over to the vacuum cleaner "Winnie. Winnie this.". She stops and starts again, very obviously having trouble to say what she wants - to make me understand what she's trying to tell me. "Momma. Stay on couch. Winnie do! Winnie help! Winnie vacuum!" and starts to pick up the vacuum.<br />
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I ask "You want to help momma and vacuum Winnie?". I am greeted with the biggest smile and look of relief I've seen in a while. "Yes Momma, Winnie vacuum".<br />
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The next 20 minutes were a game, with the vacuum. Winnie helped vacuum the whole livingroom with me helping pick up straggling toys and Winnie doing her best to direct my efforts to where she needed them. When we were done, we were rewarded with Popsicles and games - and momma needed a small time out to breathe in and out and not cry at the wonder of her own child.<br />
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Understanding is one of the many things we all learn as we grow up. How to understand ourselves, others, their feelings and our feelings - and to know that your child understands what you feel and wants to help just as you want to help them is an amazing feeling. That feeling, and one of supreme gratefulness has flooded into the past few days for me. And brought to light once more how a seemingly small kindness and act of understanding and acceptance can have a gigantic effect on another human being.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-6169350896385500212011-11-21T04:23:00.001-08:002011-11-21T04:23:51.813-08:00Moved from Facebook - A thank you<b><i>Originally Posted on Facebook in a Note - Friday, July 10, 2009 at 9:47am</i></b><br />
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My Mom has announced that I've finally become a mother. I've discovered that in order to get any real work done around my house I have to get up before my kids do. Apparently that's something that the mothers in the rest of my family had already figured out. Thanks for sharing...<br />
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I can not rave enough about the changes in Winnie since she started Autism Intervention. She's like a completely different kid! Ok no, wait. Back up. She's the same kid. But she's *HAPPY*. Why? She can communicate better. Not fantastic, but better!! When she needs help, she says "Help" instead of just crying or freaking out. When she wants something she doesn't drag us in front of the fridge and point, wait for us to pick up the wrong thing, get frustrated, point some more. She says "I want drink of milk". Plain. Simple. Something that she couldn't do before. Laughing, giggling, playing, hugging and snuggling are now part of our everyday. Tantrums and behaviour issues are rare instead of the every day (or every hour) occurrence that they once were... I am so grateful to the staff at the centre, and for all of those who made possible the service.<br />
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Her support worker asked us "What would you like us to work on next?" - We were like.. uhm.. well.. you've done such a great job that you do whatever you think! We're so tickled pink we wouldn't even know where to start!<br />
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On Canada day, I took Winnie to the fair in Oromocto. We went, we got in rides (winnie got on a lot by herself too!), we had food, we went on some more rides, and we left. We did all that without any tantrums. *Once* and once only Winnie started to get worked up. She caught herself - and you could see her struggling to maintain control - and avoided a catastrophy. It was... AWESOME. Or as we all announced that day (Winnie included) - "That was Super Awesome!!".<br />
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I was never more proud. Way to go Winnie!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-61297741371816517122011-11-21T04:22:00.001-08:002011-11-21T04:22:03.920-08:00Moved from Facebook - A good start<i><b>Orignally posted in a note on Facebook - Sunday, October 25, 2009 at 8:34am</b></i><br />
Usually, I get up before my girls do. But on the weekends, I tend to lay in bed and listen to them play in their rooms, running from room to room - the pitter patter sort of calms me before the begin of the rushing weekend.<br />
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This morning, the playing began, just like normal. Except this time a little head popped into my room, smiled and said "C'mon momma! I made animals! Lets play!".<br />
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Smiling, I got out of bed, went to Winnie's room and sat down on the bed, waiting to see what kind of "animal play" we had in mind today. She had set up a little room for the dino's and we were just walking the dinos around. "Here momma, you have the giraffe". Not a dinosaur, but good enough for me. I take the giraffe, smile and do the walking around. Lost on the names of them (again) I ask "What's this one?" - Winnie proceeds to paitiently explain each of the animals names (some she actually made up herself!).<br />
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We play like that for a while, the animals going around and around and at one point one riding the other one - "Look momma, the little foot is riding the giraffe!".<br />
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Eventually I politely ask, "Winnie, momma needs a coffee, is that ok?". She turns to me, smiles and says 'Ok, thanks for helping me play momma". Flabbergasted I say "You're welcome honey, that was fun!".<br />
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Its amazing the things we take for granted and also the things that hit us hard when we're not watching. 6 months ago Winnie wasn't able to talk to me like that, and now that she can (although there is still much work to be done), I am so grateful. Its a good start to a Sunday.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8849600199037113253.post-82742422181197434382011-11-21T04:20:00.001-08:002011-11-21T04:20:38.769-08:00Moved from Facebook - Waiting for the Juice to SpillOrignally posted in a note on Facebook - Monday, November 23, 2009<br />
Last week Maggie and I went out for a little girl time while Winnie was in therapy. We went to the mall, looked at toys, looked at shoes - basically - we had a ball! Maggie loves toys AND shoes. Watching her in the shoe store with the bright red glitzy size 8 womans pump on was just priceless. Her shoes were almost more flashy than her smiles - almost, because nothing can outshine them.<br />
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After all of our exhausting shopping, we decided to have a drink and a snack. We got muffins and apple juice and sat down at the table (with Maggie in her stroller). I was concered with preventing Maggie from spilling or dropping anything so I arranged everything just so - Her juice on the table within reach, her muffin in my hand so I could give her small pieces... So concered was I that I forgot about myself. I sat down, still looking at Maggie, checking to make sure I had nothing out of place. As I turned around my arm caught my drink and it went flying, spilling all over the table and the floor (and even getting a little on Maggie!).<br />
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We laughed and cleaned the whole mess up, giggling and eating and wiping. But it occurred to me how often in life we do this. How often we're always watching for someone else do to do something, watching for someone else to do wrong, or someone else to make a mistake, when we should really be doing our best to watch ourselves.<br />
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My plan is to work on changing the focus from outside to inside - do what I can to be better, to be more prepared - removing the external focus, while still holding those items in my range of vision...<br />
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Its life's little moments that just make you stop think...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0